doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
