dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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