I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
