I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
