just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
