He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
as a side note pls kill me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
