Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
