I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
