peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
