so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
