My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
