dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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