I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
