this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
