Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
