well I can't set my house on fire every night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
