Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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