You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
