Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
