I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
