I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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