My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
