I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
