my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
