there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
