her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
