I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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