I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
