cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
