the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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