she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
