her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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