In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
