There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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