Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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