your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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