I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
