I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
