There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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