I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she told me i tasted like america
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How external is "for external use only"?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
