is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
