literally had 100 drinks last night.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
