She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
