You're my little dorito
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
