Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
