If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
