the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
