this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
