stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
