I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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