So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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