You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
