On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I deserve this hangover.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
